White Male Aged 18 To 35
I am a white ,straight, male aged 18 – 35
I am the most listened to demographic alive
I live amongst the middle class, live up on a hill
And from my window cil I can see the whole city.
I holiday at least once a year.
Monitor my carbon footprint cause I care.
Politically conscious, socially aware.
I don’t eat meat, drink alcohol or take dairy.
When it comes to government to say the least I’m quite wary.
I’ve got a relatively easy life.
I barely experience real trouble and strife.
I get laid most weeks, people listen when I speak,
And if I get hit I turn the other cheek.
I’m an atheist, a syndicalist, I used to be a real anarchist.
I don’t get drunk in bars, make big faux pas,
Don’t give a damn about fast cars.
I have a ton of flaws , I’m lazy and crazy,
Sometimes I get so high at night the world becomes a little hazy.
I like a smoke, I like a toke, sometimes shop in Tescos and occasionally drink a Coke.
I can be bad tempered, grumpy and mean, pedantic, semantic, and a little bit frantic.
I can be stupid and dumb , easily overcome, When It comes to fight or flight,
Well, sometimes I run. Sometimes I speak without thinking,
When I should rise I am sinking. I run from the cops when their lights are blinking.
I can be a hypocrite, full of shit, a total tit, a little git.
A stupid ass crass male, sometimes cheat if I might fail.
Always skint, usually late, prone to anger, sometimes hate.
Guilty of objectification mixed up with implications of forgetting to check my privilege like a first world nation.
Been known to suffer from The Coolidge Effect,
After having sex feeling all vexed,
Then apologising with a text,
Wondering who I will get with next.
I start big projects that I rarely ever complete,
Despite swearing blind that I’ll do them this week.
I’m a terrible quitter, a world class bullshitter.
If an FPS was exercise , every night I’d be getting fitter.
Useless with DIY and when it comes to a hammer,
The only thing I know to do is SMASH like Dr Bruce Banner.
Obsessed with Machiaveli like a tactical boss,
A million tactics to enact this epic win at low cost.
I can be a real pain, like a bad back seat driver.
Like Ferris Bueller I’m a first class skiver.
Yes I’m a white straight male aged 18 – 35,
And just like Pearl Jam I’m still alive.
(As this is primarily a spoken word piece, the audio version is available here – https://soundcloud.com/glen-w-hunter/single-white-male)