A Series of Beatings

A Series Of Beatings

My life growing up was a series of beatings
humiliation and alienation
Living felt like a violent complication
As they tried to smother my true self
In turn affecting my mental health
Flames to my hair, they set me alight
I quickly learned the fine art of flight
Their knuckles broke my skin and bone
Spent my time in a shell called home
Even there the cruel taunts still rang
Howling at my fear , this local gang
I was some times woman, some times man
But at that age it didn’t really scan
That I could be attracted to women
Whilst not always feeling like a man
I just felt the fear and never knew why
Violence came frequently to make me cry
To grow in a way where you suffer each day
From the bruises and breaks , the psychological scars
Just because I hailed from both Venus and Mars
“Ya fucking freak”
“Gonnae batter you boy”
Drawing blood from my body they seemed to enjoy.
So I learned how to run and hide in the dark
To stay well clear of town centres and parks
My true self became nothing but a distant dream
Til I discovered the freedom of the Goth scene
There I could dress up with make up on my face
Wear silk and leather, nylon and lace
To dance how I felt with the cards I was dealt
Putting aside all worries until the bus ride home
And when travelling alone
I have been kicked in the head
Punched out of my seat
Until curled up in the corner
As once again I was beat
Eventually I stopped caring
Began staring into the distance
In a trance I began to welcome the hurt
Just like Kurt
I hated myself and wanted to die
But all of this would eventually pass by
The masks still remained as I strained
To be something I simply could not be
I had no idea there where others like me
(This was before the internet you see)
Several relation-ships sank with dreams
I tried to fit into more accepted scenes
Played the role of normal and boring
But my alternative skin was always calling
Thankfully someone out there had heard
Was patient and caring with every word
Inviting the real me to come out and play
Knowing I am safe, loved in every way
Accepted and adored without hesitation
Untying all the knots and the complications
More than lucky, I never dreamed it could be
I would be so in love and still free to be me

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